Surfing to happiness | 4.8 minute read

They called me a spazz when I was a kid. I raged at playground and hockey rink injustices, laughed too loud at jokes, and lashed out when pushed.

As I matured, I withdrew — some might say into a depressive state — preferring isolation, independence, autonomy.

I carried a skateboard to look cool in front of my friends. I loved the lifestyle and culture of skateboarding; its effortless cool. There’s a natural calm to it. I wanted to emulate that, but I never could.

I was cool but not chill.

I noticed the same vibe in surfers. They’re always supportive of each other, they hang ten. It’s awesome, dude.

I could say the words but never embody the attitude.

Skateboarding and surfing are built on trying and failing — the highs and lows. To succeed is to have failed many times.

Through that endless cycle of falling and trying again, they learn something deeper — a calm I’d call emotional regulation.

Emotions come and go, crashing in like ocean waves. One moment, you're steady. The next, a surge of anger, fear, or sadness knocks you off balance.

You can’t control when or how these waves hit, but you can learn to ride them.

Ignoring your emotions, especially the tough ones, doesn’t make them disappear. The resistance to feel only amplifies the discomfort.

When you make space for what you're feeling, when you FEEL and PROCESS, you gain control. You respond instead of react.

It’s like surfing. Instead of fleeing from an oncoming wave, you paddle toward it. You meet it head-on. You navigate it with skill and presence.

Surfers fall into waves. Skateboarders crash on concrete. We can learn from both. Riding life’s highs and lows with the peace of a calm sea.

That’s emotional regulation. That’s riding the wave towards happiness.

I’m working on it. I still get mad at bosses, friends, and my kids for not listening; and I’m learning to breathe through it, squeezing my fists, and, with a calm approach, get what I need.

The pebble

The feelings wheel helps you identify the emotion you’re feeling from the inside out. It’s a processing tool. Start at the middle of the wheel and work your way out to understand your emotion. Anger is what you think, but it’s only after you experience the outer rings such as betrayed or annoyed first.

That’s how you can better understand and regulate your emotions. When you can name the emotion, you can tame it. #nameittotameit

For me, I printed this off, laminated a few copies and have them around the house. They serve as a reminder for me and my family to process emotions using the RAIN technique (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Non-Attachment.)

The challenge

Practice RAIN. Print off the feelings wheel (laminate it if you can) and hang it on the fridge.

Emotions hit like waves: sudden, strong, sometimes overwhelming. You can’t stop them, but you can learn to ride them with steadiness.

• Recognize – What am I feeling right now? Pause. Notice. Does the emotion affect you physically?

• Allow – Can I make space for this? Instead of pushing it away, let the feeling exist. No need to fix it or figure out why it’s there. Just allow yourself to feel it. To have emotions is to be human. It’s normal.

• Investigate – What is this feeling like? Where do you feel it in your body? Is it heavy, tight, sharp, dull? No overthinking, don’t go down the rabbit hole wondering what past traumas are bringing it up.

• Non-Attachment – This too shall pass.

All emotions shift. They come, they go. You are not your emotions. You are the observer, riding the wave instead of being tossed by it.

Meet your emotions with presence not resistance, build resilience, and ride whatever comes next.

Thanks for reading. We’re honoured you’ve spent a bit of your day with us. Feel free to reply and let us know how you deal with tough emotions. If you’re feeling extra generous, why not forward this email to a friend?