Everybody's got their shit | 2 min read

Hey ya, mother

Today, I want you to know, I see you.

The story

My neighbour stopped Deb and me on the street. A mutual friend's nine-month-old died last week. They think it was SIDS. On the other side, a friend of mine has been trying to get pregnant for ten months. We tried for 1.5 years. I have a friend who tried for multiple years. "What do you expect us to do?" he said, "Give up?" They didn't. Their two sons are bouncing off the walls.

Tomorrow, I start a job I spent ten months finding. This past Friday, I was verbally told of another job offer. Which do I pick? Meanwhile, a friend was responsible for mass layoffs at his company. In another world, someone I know left to start their own thing, while a contractor friend struggles to find any clients.

Today is Mother's Day. Last night we went to my mother-in-law's house to celebrate the spring birthdays. One of those birthdays belongs to my father-in-law, who passed away suddenly last year. (Read: Start with the end in mind)

Everyone has their ups, their downs.

Everybody's got their shit.

It’s not a fight over who’s got it worse. Doing hard things makes us resilient to do even harder things. Don’t diminish what someone else is going through because “you’ve had it worse.” That’s not the point.

So what do we do with this big pile of stinkin’ manure?

Don’t fix it, don't compare, and don't offer some false silver lining: “Well, at least you’ve got doggie bags.”

Just sit in it with them. Let them vent. See them, hear them, feel with them. As you would want someone to do for you.

The Pebble

There's a difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy looks down from the ledge and says, "At least." Empathy climbs down and says, "Me too." One creates distance. The other creates a connection.

We may have put this video in here before, but it “bears” repeating. Brené Brown has a three-minute video on exactly this. It's the clearest explanation of the difference between empathy and sympathy I've ever seen.

The challenge
Find someone who's carrying something, and just listen. Don't advise, redirect, or make it about yourself. Ask one question and then get out of the way.

And if you don't know where to start—start with your mom.

She's been listening to, dealing with, and cleaning your shit since before you could talk. She made the lunches, cooked the dinners, and cleaned up after you in more ways than one. She understood your emotions before you did. She's been empathetic on days she had every reason not to be.

My wife is running a 10km race this morning with our young daughter, who, at the last minute and without any training, decided she wanted to go as well. My wife’s not running for charity; she’s giving it and practicing patience on her way to sainthood.

So today, find a mom who could use an ear, a shoulder for a tear, or an ice cold beer.

Happy Mother's Day.