CIA the stress away | 6 minute read

For most people CIA refers to the Central Intelligence Agency — an organization that protects American national security. I think of it as Control, Influence and Acceptance — a system that helps me protect my well-being by reducing stress and focus on the things I can change.

The letters are are the same and the definitions aren’t entirely dissimilar.

You may have heard of the Serenity Prayer, commonly used in AA meetings:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

This is basically the same thing but, at least for me, thinking about CIA is easier and acknowledges that the decision and action is mine and does not rely on some divine being to grant it to me.

You can read a more detailed explanation of the CIA method from MindTools. This is the link I send around to anyone who asks about it, but read on for how I apply it to my own life.

Whenever I’m feeling stressed and overwhelmed, I take a deep breath and think to myself:

• What’s in my control?

• Who do I need to influence?

• When do I need to accept the decision?

I use it in every situation, both personally and professionally. It helps me stay grounded and come to a resolution faster. But you have to do it in that order, or else it doesn’t work.

Before you can even start to think about other people, you need to focus on yourself. What can you do to change this situation? You often have a lot more power than you think, even in situations where another person is the decision-maker.

An example: I was working for a client that hired me to help them with sales and business development. They had a junior sales leader who they felt could use some help steering the team in the right direction.

Within a couple of weeks, the picture became clear: Sure, there were some fundamental sales issues that needed to be fixed, but the single biggest issue that needed to be solved was on the product/service side.

I was being pressured into making more sales for a company that was unable to maintain their existing client base. They were getting complaints daily and experienced significant churn.

The solution to me was simple: Pause business development and prospecting to focus on existing customers and operations and ensure we’re able to service existing clients and actually do what we claim we can do before selling any more.

It was a stressful situation for me and the sales team and I had a choice to make.

Enter CIA:

• What is in my control?

  • I could ignore the issues and simply push the team to sell more and hopefully keep my contract going.

  • I could not fix the issue as the accountability was in another department.

  • I could inform the leadership team of how I feel which will likely result into ending my contract.

My personal reputation was also on the line and I did not like selling “solutions” that actually caused more problems. I decided to take control and do something.

Even though I was hired as a sales leader to help them make decisions, the decision was not mine, so I could only influence change not implement it. However, the control does not end there as I could still control how I show up and communicate to influence the change that is needed.

• Who do I need to influence?

  • The team needed to trust me and needed me to feel like I was helping to solve the issue.

  • The COO is who I technically reported to, but he was also the problem. I felt that he was not the right person to go to.

  • The CEO was obviously invested in the success of his company, and it was his reputation on the line as the face of the company.

I spoke to the team, shared my opinion, and let them know I planned to talk to the CEO. I also explained CIA to them in the meeting to help them think through the stressful situation they were in. This helped them feel they had someone who understood them and was doing something about it.

I prepared notes for my call with the CEO and delivered it in a way that I hoped would resonate with him.

As suspected, the following week they decided to end my contract. This made sense to me; if they took my advice, they did not need a sales / business development leader, they needed help with operations.

• When do I need to accept the decision?

• Losing this contract means replacing it with another one, a stressful situation in itself that impacts my income. I could fight and try to find a way to keep it.

The truth is, I accepted the decision before I even heard it. I basically fired myself from the job anyways.

Fast forward several months later. The CEO didn’t take my advice, nothing changed, and the entire sales team had quit.

I like to think the CIA method helped them all come to the best decisions for themselves.

The pebble

Editor’s note: Jon’s story reminded me of this scene from the great 90s movie, Jerry McGuire. Him following his heart may have hurt at first, but things ended up pretty good for him in the end.

The challenge

Think of something that’s been bothering you or causing worry or stress. Ask yourself the three questions. Write us back and let us know if the CIA method helped you think or act differently to reduce stress and get to a resolution faster.